“Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.”

“I've spent most of my life golfing – the rest I've just wasted.”

“The members who command the best service at your golf club either have the lowest handicaps, or the highest bar bills.”

“A golfer’s diet: live on greens as much as possible.”

“The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.”

“Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.”

“My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.”

“If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.”

“The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for front-line workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.”

“Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening – and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented!”