“Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.”

“I've spent most of my life golfing – the rest I've just wasted.”

“The members who command the best service at your golf club either have the lowest handicaps, or the highest bar bills.”

“A golfer’s diet: live on greens as much as possible.”

“The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.”

“Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.”

“Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening – and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented!”